As we pass the threshold from kitchen to floor, we immediately mask ourselves in a new identity. We cater to people's expectations of what a waiter should do, say, and act like. Is this really our true selves that we are representing or just a false identity made solely for the purposes of soliciting tips? I guess you could say its both. On the one hand, it is false in the sense that it is not how we normally act in a setting where we are with friends and family. It is, however, our representation of falseness. It is our own mind telling us what to say and how to say it. It is us that is there, not someone standing in for us. Is it any different than how we act a certain way in church or school and then become a different person when at home? It's all a part of our collection of identities that are characteristic of us.

I guess you could say that we waiters lie on a day-to-day basis. It's not a lie in the sense of saying something that isn't true, but rather misrepresenting yourself. Before I became a waiter, I always associated wait staff as being nice, cordial, and eager to please us. After I worked for a while, I learned the truth. I learned that waiters are no different from you or me. They don't really care about the people they wait on like they act.

That's why, whenever a waiter messes up (drops food, forgets an order) it is perceived as such an anomaly. People who haven't worked in the restaurant business take for granted the calculated routine of their waiter, and call them on each mistake. They're quick to accuse us of bad service, but rarely commend us when we do well. It's expected that we should perform all the tasks associated with serving food perfectly. It's almost as if we transcend the boundaries of being human, and become a robot that, if given an order, it will come out correctly, and if it messes up, something is wrong with it.

People have preconceived notions about waiters that are generally perpetuated by the media and experience. They:

1. Don't really know how many tables you're working on, and don't consider it when their waiter is a little tardy.

2. Have no one to directly blame for kitchen mistakes, so they blame you.

3. Assume that waiters are excited about serving you, when in fact they're just after your money

4. (Biggest one) They don't realize we get paid well below minimum wage and rely on tips as income.

I don't blame people for having these ideas about their waiters. Kids are taken to restaurants at an early age, and only see one aspect of their server: I ask for something and I get it. People don't generally account for the stress levels and feelings the waiters has, they just want theirs.

When I went to restaurants with my parents, they always treated them with the utmost respect, similar to any one serving you and waiting on you hand and foot. The idea to be nice to wait staff was forever implanted in my brain due to my parent's treatment towards them. The same goes for my grandparents and relatives. I grew up in an extended family that values hard work and manners. I believe it always comes back to us as kids looking at our parents. If our parents were good guests, we would follow suit. But the opposite is also true. I see parents bring their children into my restaurant all the time and act very inconsiderate towards the waiters. It's like they think they're above us and that we WANT to serve. That's not true. We just want your money.

So clearly, there is an alternate side to waiting tables. There is the bright, smiley, corporate side that is consciously visible to restaurant-goers, but there is also another culture, a community within the restaurant business that isn't seen unless you experience it as an employee. The stories we share and the burdens we bear together makes us unite.

Back to the Kitchen

Home